I'm Afraid...

So far, I have worked out every day this month. I'm frustrated I haven't gotten as much weight off as I'd like so far. I've been working hard exercising, and cutting back on the crappy foods I've eaten all my life. I was really hoping I'd have more to show for all this effort by now.

SO, I've had a few people tell me that I'm working out to much (LOL I don't believe it... ) But anyways, they say my body needs a break now and then. Maybe it does, I'm no expert. I have a fear though, that if I take a break, I'll never resume!

Exercising is not fun. I do not like it. I force myself every day to get downstairs and do it, leaving my enjoyable things ( like talking to friends, watching TV, reading, etc.) behind so I can exercise to better myself.

If I take off a day, I fear I will lose momentum. I'll lose motivation. I'll never do it again..and be right back where I started, or worse.

Its kind of like a craft project that wasn't as fun as I thought, or a book that wasn't as good as I had hoped...so I set it aside saying I'll finish it tomorrow...yet tomorrow never comes, and the project or book never gets finished. That is what I think will happen if I don't exercise one day. I'm afraid.

So far, I've worked out, even on days I've felt sick and would rather have been laying on the couch. I'm afraid to skip a day...

Frustrated.

Toodles.

Gas

I needed to gas up the van Friday. I had a plan to do it on the way to meet Kelsey's dad, but we were running late thanks to Bree, so that didn't happen. I thought about doing it on the way back, but I was feeling sick and I was achy and tired, I just wanted to get home, and get my pjs on. I was sure I'd have to go out on Saturday for my newspaper so I figured I might as well just get gas then.

Saturday comes, and I end up not leaving the house at all. I had a cake order to do, so most of my morning was doing that. Bill ended up getting me my newspaper, so gas was never gotten Saturday.

So, today, Sunday, I felt the need to get out of the house for a bit...so I thought why not go get gas! I knew the girls would love a slushie from the gas station too...so off we went.

As soon as I got close enough to read the sign, I was ticked at myself for not getting gas on Friday. Since then, gas went up $.13! UGH. It never fails. This happens to me often lol, you'd think I'd have learned my lesson by now. I should have just sucked it up and got gas on Friday, even though I wasn't feeling well!

Its to bad people gas, and gasoline are not the same....because I'd be able to get a fill up for free any time I wished. My family is loaded with gas blowers! Heck, the littlest one of the house is the biggest giver of this lovely bodily blowout. Next is probably the cat lol. Then Bill, Jilly, Kelsey & me :)

QOTD: Who is the lead gas blower in your home? LOL

TooTles ;) haha

Dear...(1-26-11)

Another week, another installment of Dear... letters! These are letters, good or bad, to who ever, so I can vent or praise :) If you have a blog, please PLEASE join in! Just go to Dazee's site, grab the code for the Dear... picture thingy button and join in! Be sure to link to her site too. Or, if you don't have a blog, you can always join in over in the comment area.



Dear Optical place...Seriously, WHERE ARE MY GLASSES?? It is taking forever. Get them in already, I'm sick of waiting. Geeze.

Dear body...Why are you causing me pain today? I feel like I've been hit by a truck carrying a truck carrying another truck. Not sure if its from working out, or if I'm starting to get sick.

Dear Bree...I'm sorry you've been sick for a few days now. Glad today was fever free! I hope it stays that way. I hope your stuffy nose eases up soon so you can breath out of your nose better. PLEASE sleep better tonight. I know sleeping is tough sometimes when you are sick but wow you've really been struggling, and so is mommy. We both need good sleep.

Dear Jilly & Bree... I spent an entire day cleaning your room yesterday. KEEP IT CLEAN! No room should be that disgusting. Jilly...cleaning does not mean shove stuff in bags and hide them in every available crevice. Your dirty undies do not go in the toy box either.

Dear Kelsey... Nee Ner Nee Ner Nee Ner I beat you I beat you I beat you...on the wii advanced obstacle course :) FINALLY.

Dear Target...Stop having cute stuff in your ad when I don't have any money.

Dear money tree...why haven't you bloomed? I've been watering you, fertilizing you with all the extra bullshit we have around the house lol, yet still you bare no cash. You need to hurry up. Kels informed us she needs an arm and a leg and a few other various body parts for classes she needs to take ($650 worth).

Dear ugly gross thing I discovered yesterday...GO AWAY.

Dear Cake...I'm making you this this weekend for an order...please cooperate, turn out, and taste really good for my customer :)

Dear Excess Weight...GO AWAY faster please.

I guess that is it for now...

QOTD: If you had $1000 to spend ONLY ON YOURSELF, what would you buy?

Toodles!

Frustrations & Fevers

Today is the 24th day I have worked out. 24 days in a row! That is pretty good I think...considering I probably haven't even exercised 24 minutes in the last 30 yrs or so LOL.

I find myself getting a bit frustrated though. I'm working REALLY HARD, and the weight isn't coming off fast enough. I'm down about 8 lbs. Thats it. 8 lbs in 24 days. Bah humbug. I want more, and I want to see results, I want others to see it.

My clothing is feeling a bit more loose I guess.

My boobs seem to be losing weight. They are getting longer... Not exactly where I want to notice a difference...

I'd like to get rid of this double/triple chin.

I'd like to get rid of my big ole 'butt.

I'd love to get rid of this big ole' gut too.

I've made progress on my work outs. I'm able to go longer, and faster/harder. I started out on the treadmill struggling to make 15 minutes, at a pretty slow pace. Now my pace has increased, as well as the time I'm on it, I do about 40 minutes now. I'm also walking/running. Every 5 minutes I will turn up the speed and run for a minute. I am NOT A RUNNER, and this is very hard for me. But I'm doing it.

I'm spending about an hour and a half a day working out. My friends are feeling neglected, because normally we are talking, now I'm working out.. Sorry friends. :(

Just for the record, whoever says you get more energy when you exercise regularly, is FULL OF SHIT. 24 Days in a row is pretty regular if you ask me, and I'm TIRED. I get my work outs done early in the day, before lunch, and after that I'm sore, and exhausted, and I don't want to do anything else the rest of the day. This makes my house look like a warzone. What a mess...

Since I'm on the messy house topic let me go with that a minute...its a major frustration for me. I am a wife and a mother. I am not a maid. Yes, I know part of being a wife and mother involves housework and such... but... most of the family is perfectly capable of picking up after themselves a bit, and by golly they need to start! They don't hang up their coats, or put their shoes in the closet or their rooms, they toss them in front of the closet right inside the front door...which is also right in our living room for everyone to see. They leave dishes all over the house. Toys are everywhere. A certain child of mine, tends to eat non stop during the day, and leaves messes behind from this all over the place, and dirties a million dishes. Someone else I know in this house loves to yell at others for leaving a mess, yet that person does the same. Socks are left here and there, someone thinks the living room is her dressing room and leaves clothing on the floor....I could go on and on and ON, but I'll stop now. You get the picture I'm sure.

I've not been sleeping well lately. I am exhausted when I go to bed, yet I lay there and toss and turn, because I can't turn my damn mind off. I start thinking of working out, of friends problems, of things I need to do, of the kids, of food...and bake sales that I want to do, stuff like that. When I finally do fall asleep, I'm usually woken up several times from the dog, or Bree.

Bree loves her milk, and at night she is always waking up for more milk. I think if she'd eat a good dinner she'd not do this, but I can't get her to eat much. I have told her no more milk at night, once she falls asleep at bedtime, no milk until morning. Last night was our first night with this and she did good, she didn't ask for it once. She did still wake though, at 3:50 this morning. She was whining/crying, so I went to check on her. She told me she was afraid of the dark. It is NOT dark in her room, there is a small light in there (more than a nightlight) and it lights up the room quite a bit. She asked me to sleep with her. Her bunk bed is not comfortable for my fat ass, so I told her she can join me in my bed if she'd like, since Bill was at work. She came in, and tossed and turned. Then she started complaining her sides hurt. After a while of her whining about this I told her I'd kiss them, maybe that would help, she agreed, I kissed them, and all was well...for about 3 minutes. Then, she started crying that her sides still hurt. I told her maybe she needed to go poop or something, she agreed to try. So off we went to the bathroom. She pulls her pants down and sits for like 2 seconds, then says she can't go, and she lays on the floor, and kicks off her PJ pants and pull up and is crying a bit. Next she sounds like she's going to puke, and sure enough she did a bit (in the toilet thankfully). We washed her face, she brushed her teeth, and back to my bed we went, and she was able to go right to sleep after that...I wish I could have...

When she got up this morning I asked her how she was feeling, she said she felt ok. I kissed her forehead, and noticed she felt a little feverish. After we took the girls to school, I gave her some Tylenol for her fever. She did her morning nagging at me to go work out lol, so I did. She comes down and watches TV while I treadmill, and then she laughs at me as I work out on the wii. Today she fell asleep on the couch down there while I was doing the wii. She took a good nap, slept from about noon until 2:30. Unfortunately she woke feeling hotter. I found a thermometer that actually works, and tried taking her temp in her armpit. It climbed to 101.5, and was still going, but she grew impatient and wouldn't let me finish. When we picked the girls up we did a quick run to the store for some more medicine, and she got more to lower her temp..

This evening she has been very moody. Every little thing sets her off into a crying fit. At dinner she asked me to peel an apple for her, I did, she ate half, then broke down crying, because she didn't want it NOW, she wanted it LATER! I told her to just save it for later then. She got mad and said, "FINE! I'm going to my room!" I told her that is a great idea. :) Later she was crying because her score was showing on the DS game she was playing on, and she didn't want it to. Then she was crying because her dad didn't get her the pink dress with a flower on it that she wanted from Target last summer... Oy. Every little thing... Soon she'll be getting another dose of ibuprofen and hopefully going to sleep for the night, something we BOTH need right now. Wish us luck!

Wow, this got pretty long...sorry. Time to go cuddle with my sick cuddle bug.

Toodles!

Life is Good Award

Dazee (my friend) thinks I'm special, so she gave big ole me a award! Thanks Dazee!

And with this award comes some questions. Hard ones :P



1. If you blog anonymously, are you happy doing this? If you aren't anonymous, do you wish you started out anonymously, so that you could be anonymous now?
I am not blogging anonymously. Sometimes I wish I had been, just for safety reasons, but I didn't think of it when I started...

2. Describe an incident that shows your inner stubborn side.
Me stubborn? Hmm.. I can't think of anything! I'm sure my husband would have something to say about this one..

3. What do you see when you really look at yourself in the mirror?
Now this is a loaded question. I see UGLY. I see saggy boobs. Ugly teeth. Big fat gut. I see dunlap disease (my gut dunlap over my waistband). I see hair that doesn't cooperate, that is dark & not pretty like it used to be. I see ugly stretchmarks...although they mean a beautiful thing, that I carried 4 wonderful children in my womb. I see dark circles under my eyes. I see a double or maybe even triple chin. I see sadness, and frustration. I see aging. I see damage from all the junk I've eaten over the years, and from lack of exercise. I don't like mirrors.

4. What is your favorite summer cold drink?
Summer, spring, fall, winter...same drink for all seasons... MCD's COKE!

5. When you take time for yourself, what do you do?
Sit at the computer and talk to friends, blog & read. Or watch a movie.

6. Is there something that you still want to accomplish in your life?
Losing weight, becoming a healthier skinner me. I'd also love to be able to take the kids on a real vacation sometime..like to Disneyworld.

7. When you attended school, were you the class clown, the class overachiever, the shy person, or always ditching?
Shy, totally shy...

8. If you close your eyes and want to visualize a very poignant moment in your life, what would you see?
The births of my children, meeting them for the first time.

9. Is it easy for you to share your true self in your blog, or are you more comfortable writing posts about other people and events?
No its not always easy. I don't share all my feelings because of that. I try to be as open as I can though, without causing to much stress on myself or my readers.

10. If you had the choice to sit down and read a book or talk on the phone, which would you do and why?
Read a book. I do not like talking on the phone, at all. Texting, I can handle, and will text all day if I'm texting with good friends... but for some reason I just don't like talking on the phone... weird. Things sure changed from when I was young. I remember talking for hours at a time to some friends.

I'm not going to pass this award on to anyone... Not that no one deserves it, its just that no one I know will do anything with it.. So, readers, feel free to take this award and blog about it if you would like, its up to you. :) I'm flexible that way lol.

Toodles!

Dear... (1-19-11)

It's time for the weekly Dear... letters. These letters can be good or bad, just whatever you want to get off your chest. Join in, won't you? You can join in here in the comments, or do it on your very own blog! If you do it on your blog, please hop over to Dazee's blog and link up! Thanks!


Dear wii fit...I worked very hard the last few days, exercising more than normal even, because I wanted to snack on a small granola bar and a hot chocolate. Imagine my surprise when you told me I was up 2lbs the next day! That wasn't nice.

Dear obstacle course on wii fit plus...you totally kick my ass! I work very hard on you, and I get so frustrated when those darn logs plop on me and flatten me, or when I swear I jump but you say I don't and I fall off the edge. I like you, but I don't like you! :P You make me $#^#@ a lot!

Dear icy roads... I could do without you.

Dear idiot drivers near the schools... PULL YOUR BUTT OVER to drop your kids off. There is a lane for that ya know. But Nooooo you have to be ignorant and just stop in the middle of the road blocking traffic from moving, and blocking those of us that DO follow the rules from getting out of our spots. JERKS.

Dear interruptions of sleep... I DISLIKE you. A lot. Bree is up a few times a night at least. Sometimes its just me having to pee, sometimes its the dog having to pee. This morning it was the phone. At 6 the phone rings, its the high school saying school is closed due to icy roads. I thought you suck for waking me up, but yay I can shut the alarm off and go back to sleep! Not. At 6:30 when I was just starting to doze back off, the phone rings again, its the grade school telling me school is closed. Then, at 6:40 Bree wakes up screaming that Ninny aka Jilly was smacking her (she was dreaming, Jilly was up in her bed trying to sleep). Then at 6:50 the phone rings again, its Jackie the girl I give a ride to school...she was wondering if there was school. Ugh. By this time Bree, who I brought to my bed when she woke up a bit earlier, was yakking away and tossing and turning...so we got up.

Dear Swinging Baby Yoga freak....How could you do that to a baby?! That looks so wrong. Don't you pull the kids arms & legs out of socket doing that?! Lets talk about other things, like shaken baby? I believe what you are doing is very similar! I think what you are doing is child abuse. Readers, you can see for yourself here.

Dear popcorn... you smell so very good. But, I'm on to you, I know you are evil.

Dear Optical place...STILL waiting for MY glasses. Jilly & Bill got theirs...where the hell are mine?

Dear Chicken Taco Soup... MMMM MMMM you were GOOD.

Dear McD's Coke... I miss you. I haven't had you since last Friday. I've had 2 DIET cokes since..but its totally NOT THE SAME.

Ehhh I guess thats it for now.

QOTD: Do you do Yoga?

Toodles!

Pictures

It has been a while since I've posted any pictures of anything... odd huh?

So... I'm going to share a few now. In case you were missing them. :)

Jilly with her new glasses:



Bree doing Kelsey's make up:



The sunrise this morning:



Bree with her Cinderella panties on her head...:


What a nut she is. She takes after her dad.

Thats it. I haven't taken many pics this month. I must be sick.

Toodles!