Saturday, January 16, 2010

Emotional Mess

Thats me. I'm an emotional mess. These last few days I've been so weepy! I'm not liking it. It started when Jilly said goodbye to her little brother, then our cry together after we got home that day. Now, everytime I think about Jilly's dad being gone, and everyone involved that is heartbroken at the moment, I start crying.

Not only is Jilly missing her dad, and brother, but they are missing her. Bria, Jilly's step mom is missing her husband and son. They are missing her. Bria's older kids are missing their step dad & brother, they are missing them too. Bria's older son will be going to live with his dad, since he doesn't want to move to Norway with the others in June, he is leaving in a few weeks. Bria is heartbroken by that too. So many sad people right now.

I can't help but feel its partly my fault that there are so many sad people. See, Jilly's dad came to the US from Norway, back in 1999 to be with me. There was nothing else here for him at the time. We married, had Jilly, and were a family, even if it was for only a short time. But, if he hadn't come here, there wouldn't be so many sad people right now! Of course Jilly wouldn't be here either if that was the case. When Espen and I got together, of course I thought it would last forever, I never predicted we'd split, nor any of this other crap would happen. I still feel I'm to blame. I'm glad that once we split up he was able to find someone else, and make a new life, and have another child and all. I've even come to like Bria, she has always treated Jilly well, and that is what is important. I've become closer to her the last few days, since Espen left. I know if I were in her shoes I'd be a basketcase without my husband and son, for 6 months. I hope I can be there for her if she needs someone to talk to during this time. My heart aches for everyone involved. I'm so sorry you are all going through this.

I feel like I've failed Jilly, by not staying with her dad. If I had, she'd probably not be missing her dad now. But then again, who knows. Money was tight then and things were not going well...for all I know, things could have gotten worse.

I sure hope I can get all my weepiness out this weekend, before Jilly gets back from Bria's. I don't want her to see me like this, I need to be strong for her.

So, thats my emotional mess situation...I hope I made sense. Thats it for to get some kleenex. Toodles.

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